Four years is a long time. I am writing this because I don’t want  to forget how shitty/devastated/scared/uncertain/confused/disempowered/motivated I felt this week.

Trump’s victory made me painfully aware of how much work must be done to promote change, inclusion, awareness, and acceptance in this country. From my time in grad school, I have known this but now, more than ever, I have realized how important it is to claim personal responsibility and actively  involve myself/ourselves in this struggle.  I know I am late to this game and I am not proud of that. But rather than never acknowledging this, I realize we only have one lifetime to change what we can about this world. In this political climate, it’s important to define my role, take action, and work towards making this country safer/more inclusive/more just for every human being.

The day before the election I read that Trump’s victory could hinge on votes from  uneducated white men. “That could be scary” I thought, but I dismissed it and went on with my day. I was one of the people who believed that would be a tough race, but there was no way Hillary wouldn’t win. Well, wasn’t I surprised on Tuesday night and even more devastated on Wednesday morning. I don’t think I was alone in these feelings.

That said, I don’t think the reason Trump won can be attributed only to uneducated white men, or working class white people, or republican women. Blaming one group of people or ideologies (racism, misogyny) for Trump’s victory is unproductive and reproduces practices of blaming and scapegoating we should want to avoid. The reason Trump won lies in the deep divisions between people (and places) in this country.

Waking up on Wednesday morning I felt so many emotions but, most of all, I felt overwhelming guilty. How could I have let this happen? I should have done more, participated, voiced my opinion. But then I think about the election and the incessant 24/7 media coverage. Public conversation for the past several months felt toxic. It seemed as if every hour was filled with a new  hateful/violent statement from Trump and continual attack on Hillary. I didn’t want to participate in the cacophony of election conversation inside the echo chambers of social media.  I remained mostly silent and lived my life in a city that I assumed would go blue.

When I read about  liberals concentrated in urban areas it made me realize that not only are our main communication portals echo chambers, so are our physical locations and material environments. Most (or all) of the people I see on everyday basis politically and ideologically agree with me. While this is comforting, it should also make us hyperaware of how important it is to get outside of these spaces to better understand what is going on throughout the country.

To explain Trump’s victory, sources have referenced Clinton’s complacency, changing party demographics, or liberals who need a reality check. The truth is, we are all deeply out of touch with each other. I don’t know what life is like for Trump supporters and I have a hard time understanding why someone would vote for him after the campaign he ran. But what I do know is that we cannot let Trump and his supporters follow through with their hateful and violent agenda that includes building a wall, deporting immigrants, ramping up the militarized police state, defunding accessible to healthcare, and stripping LGBTQ folks and women of their rights. Shaming Trump supporters and calling them racist, sexist, etc. (even though they may be) is not going move our country forward. But Trump and his supporter’s agenda is inherently racist and sexist. Because of Trump’s victory, now, more than ever, we have to work together to stand against the policies the new administration will attempt to enact. Part of that work will entail identifying and as an ally to protect the people the new policies seek to disempower. Another part of that work (and maybe the hardest part) is attempting to understand the people supporting these policies in order to address their racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, and generalized fear of difference. This will require us to practice radical forms of compassion and empathy when trying to connect with individuals who hold values that deeply contradict our own beliefs. However, creating contact zones and starting conversation with people who we view as different or misguided may be the only way out of the situation we now find ourselves in.

For me, the first step is becoming more woke myself. I use the term woke because it captures the context, urgency, and need for this consciousness and is often used specifically in reference to racial issues and social injustices. I have always had a hard time talking about race since I have no personal experiences where race presented a problem for me. I am a white girl, raised in white suburbs, where I went to schools with minimal diversity. I came out as a lesbian in college to family and close friends but I only really started to openly share and embrace my sexuality when I began grad school at 24. I have become more comfortable talking about my sexuality in recent years but many times, it is still hard for me to share those thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

That said, even though I am out, I have never feared for my safety. I live in one of the most liberal cities in the world and have awesome and accepting friends. Wednesday after the election was the first time I ever felt that my safety might be threatened (Are there a Trump supporters in my workplace? How would I know?). I am both sad and awakened by that reality. This experience and a more general fear about our country’s intentions is something that POC and marginalized individuals feel everyday.  5’7 Black Male (@absurdistwords) captured this unfortunate truth, “That knot in your stomach, that feeling of heartache? That uncertainty about your safety? The deep sense of fundamental injustice? Welcome.”

From my grad school experience, I have become better at recognizing the structural injustices that POC, LGBTQ, and other marginalized people face in this country. I thought by studying education and working at the City University of New York, a place historically committed to social justice, that I was doing my part to fight injustice. After this election it doesn’t feel like I am doing nearly enough. 5’7 Black Male’s “Welcome” is an invitation to acknowledge my/our historically passive stance and use our feelings after this election to begin empathizing with POC and other marginalized people’s experience of this country and urges me/us to begin working together to take action against the many injustices that the Trump administration plans commit against the people of this country.

I realize that what I say here has been said thousands of times before.  I am not proud that this election had to happen for me to realize I need to be doing a lot more, but that’s my truth. In the past, Audre Lorde, Adrienne Rich,  Nayyirah Waheed, Hafiz,  and others have been especially important in nourishing my soul when I was feeling empty. Finding the sources of inspiration that shape our perspective to create a more just and loving world is an important step. But more engaged and conscious action is required.  I write this today, for myself, as a reminder. But also as a commitment to doing this work. And as a way to educate other people like me who feel like they want to do more, become more aware, more active. White folks, liberals, feminists, any one committed to inclusion and justice, including me, must begin to and continue to educate my/ourselves on white privilege, white supremacy, and what we can do to support movements  and, most importantly, take action to fight these injustices. And it’s not just about race – these issues are intersectional. Issues about race are inherently connected to issues related gender, class, sexuality, and ability. Our issues are connected, our fates are linked.

As Trump fills his transition team with lobbyists and corporate consultants it’s hard not to imagine worst-case scenarios. Since Trump did get elected while spewing racist, misogynistic, anti-immigrant messages, I cannot ignore the possibility that we may soon live in an increasingly autocratic state. It’s important to be prepared for whatever is coming. Progressive activists have been circulating preparation tactics for Trump’s America and while I hope we don’t have to draw on them, it’s important to know that this organizing is happening should we need to use these tactics.

In her concession speech, Hillary Clinton advised us to accept the results of this election and uphold our constitutional democracy since it guarantees both the peaceful transition of power and equal rights to all individuals. She acknowledges that we will need to defend these rights and reminded us that our democracy “demands our participation, not just every four years but all the time”. The next four years will be an important time for getting involved and “do[ing] all we can to keep advancing the causes and values we all hold dear” because it is “our responsibility as citizens is to keep doing our part to build that better, stronger, fairer America we seek.” And, most importantly, she reminded us that going forward, tough as it may be, we should “never stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it.”

Perhaps one starting point for fostering this awareness, inclusivity, acceptance, and justice is to begin practicing love in a deeper and more urgent way.  We have 70 days left of the Obama presidency.  As we prepare for the next four years, its important to remember its not about winning or gaining power. This is fundamentally about how we want to live life in this country and who is allowed to live and prosper. Many of us already believe every person has a right to live a peaceful accepted existence. We must protect the people who will be targeted and deemed lesser, unworthy, and dangerous, and work to dismantle the systems that foster the hate, fear, and ignorance that make oppression possible. And remembering what Hillary Clinton said, it is important to remain hopeful and never stop believing that a better country is possible. So here we go.